In-Between #8 - Matthew Vernon Whalen
From the Girl I Lost
Track Of
Matthew Vernon Whalen
Dear Matty,
It’s sad how long
it’s been since we last spoke.
I lost twenty or so
pounds since then and
I’ve been drifting
in and out of the dope scene ever since I started
what was supposed to be my gap year after high school.
My eyes are always
brick red and I feel like I could use one of your
hugs.
I feel like I smile
more than I mean to.
I feel like I smile
more than I feel joy.
I’m so confused,
Matty, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me and
I can’t seem to actively make anything happen.
This is the first
thing I’ve written in a year or so.
Do you still have
those poems I gave you? Covered by dust in some desk
drawer or something?
That’s okay. I know
you lost em.
They were no good
anyway.
At one time I was
thinking about community colleges in California, and
I thought about staying with this guy I know in Colorado, and my
ex boyfriend says he’ll take care of my baby
and he’s out in
Michigan,
But no matter how
many places I could go, I always find myself back in
that Barrington parking lot with my pretenders of friends,
talking about whatever we remember of the
previous night.
I’m all strung out
and I feel so alone,
Even though this new
guy named Jack keeps telling me I’m beautiful
But he’s a couple of
decades older than me and he doesn’t know I have
a baby yet.
Shit Matty,
I see you around
town sometimes and you walk right by me.
I’m assuming you
don’t recognize me now.
I dyed my hair black
and I hide half of my face with thick strands of
it
And I don’t have the
courage to stop you and ask for your help again.
Last time you tried
to help me I screwed you, I know, and even though
you couldn’t help, your efforts were the best thing that ever
happened to me.
Matty,
There’s so much I
can’t articulate.
That’s why I stopped
writing and started shooting dope above the
Salvation
Army store with older guys who don’t want me to be able
to articulate myself.
Life like this is so
much easier and so much harder.
I don’t know what to
say to you Matty,
But you were always
down to read my writing
Biography: My name is Matthew Vernon Whalan. I am a devoted writer from Great Barrington, MA. I don\'t know how to have fun. I\'m afraid of flies and I put pesto on everything. As for publications, I don\'t send my stuff out too much but I\'ve had two articles published and I wish I could unpublish them and rewrite them and send them out again.
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