In-Between #8 - Matthew Vernon Whalen

From the Girl I Lost Track Of

Matthew Vernon Whalen

Dear Matty,

It’s sad how long it’s been since we last spoke.

I lost twenty or so pounds since then and 

I’ve been drifting in and out of the dope scene ever since I started 

       what was supposed to be my gap year after high school.

My eyes are always brick red and I feel like I could use one of your 

       hugs.

I feel like I smile more than I mean to.

I feel like I smile more than I feel joy.

I’m so confused, Matty, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me and      

       I can’t seem to actively make anything happen.

This is the first thing I’ve written in a year or so.

Do you still have those poems I gave you? Covered by dust in some desk     

       drawer or something?

That’s okay. I know you lost em. 

They were no good anyway.

At one time I was thinking about community colleges in California, and     

       I thought about staying with this guy I know in Colorado, and my 

       ex boyfriend says he’ll take care of my baby and he’s out in     

       Michigan,

But no matter how many places I could go, I always find myself back in     

       that Barrington parking lot with my pretenders of friends,      

       talking about whatever we remember of the previous night.

I’m all strung out and I feel so alone,

Even though this new guy named Jack keeps telling me I’m beautiful

But he’s a couple of decades older than me and he doesn’t know I have      

       a baby yet.

Shit Matty,

I see you around town sometimes and you walk right by me.

I’m assuming you don’t recognize me now.

I dyed my hair black and I hide half of my face with thick strands of     

       it

And I don’t have the courage to stop you and ask for your help again.

Last time you tried to help me I screwed you, I know, and even though      

       you couldn’t help, your efforts were the best thing that ever 

       happened to me.     

Matty,

There’s so much I can’t articulate.

That’s why I stopped writing and started shooting dope above the     

       Salvation Army store with older guys who don’t want me to be able    

       to articulate myself.

Life like this is so much easier and so much harder.

I don’t know what to say to you Matty,

But you were always down to read my writing 

Biography: My name is Matthew Vernon Whalan. I am a devoted writer from Great Barrington, MA. I don\'t know how to have fun. I\'m afraid of flies and I put pesto on everything. As for publications, I don\'t send my stuff out too much but I\'ve had two articles published and I wish I could unpublish them and rewrite them and send them out again.